You'll Never See Me Naked

comics, essays, and more from an anxious, androgynous, aromantic, atheist asexual with adhd

You'll Never See Me Naked

In the first panel, in shades of grey, the artist - a young woman with short hair wearing a purple shirt - holds a microphone. She appears to be standing in a spotlight in front of a curtain as she says, "If you're new here, you might be asking - what the hell is 'asexual?'"

Comics

Another Stand-Up Comic

I’m probably not getting a set at the Improv any time soon, but this material kills in my apartment.

In the first panel, in shades of grey, the artist - a young woman with short hair wearing a purple shirt - holds a microphone and appears to be standing in a spotlight in front of a curtain. She says, "When I first came out as asexual, I identified as 'romantic.'"

Comics

My Tight Ten

Sometimes, especially after binge-watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, I imagine a career in stand-up comedy.

The first panel, in shades of grey, shows a t-shirt for sale online with the phrase 'If you can read this, you realy need to get laid' written in leet speak, with numbers in place of letters. A speech bubble from off panel says, "I don't get it."

Comics

Programming Humor

I spent entirely too much time thinking about a ‘programming humor’ t-shirt I saw online.

In the first panel, against a light lavender background, a speech bubble says, "Hey kids! It's time for the incredible adventures of" leading into the stylized title 'The Invisible Ace,' with a spade around the 'A' in Ace.

Comics

My Superpower

When asked what superpower I’d like to have, I always say teleportation – because I already have invisibility and I hate driving.

The second panel shows the artist, a young woman with short hair wearing a purple pajama top, lying under a blanket on the sofa, propped up by pillows. She's wearing glasses, has messy hair, and has a crumpled tissue in one hand. A black cat sits on the back of the sofa, unimpressed. The artist says, "If I die, please don't eat me." Above the image is a checked list item showing one of the cons to living alone: 'There's no one to take care of me when I'm sick.'

Comics

Living Solo V

When a nasty bug knocked me on my ass, I tried to power through as an independent, single gal – but ended up calling my mom who brought me soup.

The second panel shows the artist, a young woman with short hair wearing a purple t-shirt, staring forlornly into her open fridge as she says, "I wish it were socially acceptable to knock on my neighbor's door and ask if they'd like my mostly untouched chicken chow mein." Above the image is a checked list item showing that one of the cons to living alone is, 'No one's around to eat my leftovers.'

Comics

Living Solo IV

I hate wasting food, but portion sizes are tough, especially when ordering from places that plan on ‘family style.’

The first panel, in shades of grey and purple, shows the artist, a young woman with short hair wearing a purple t-shirt, marking something off on a wall calendar. She says aloud, "That brings me another year closer to beating Steve Carell's record."

Comics

Birthday Goals

I planned a long, thoughtful comic about milestones to coincide with my 35th birthday; instead, have this gag strip about a movie that’s a million years old.

The first panel, in shades of grey and purple, shows the artist, a young woman with short hair wearing a purple t-shirt, holding a card and a stamp in her left hand. She says, "Let's see - I taught myself to crochet last week, so...I think...yes-"

Comics

Consolation Prize

In Shakespeare’s time, leading apes into hell was the fate that awaited old maids.

The first panel shows a rack of assorted clothing. They've been colored with the shades of various pride flags. The caption says, "For me, labels are like clothing."

Comics

Outfit Yourself

This is essentially a long way of saying I think labels are best if you choose them yourself.