You'll Never See Me Naked

comics, essays, and more from an anxious, androgynous, aromantic, atheist asexual with adhd

Tagged: metaphors

The first panel has the title, "Colorful Euphemisms for having your PERIOD," with 'period' in red all-caps. Below that the caption reads, "Because we're not supposed to talk about menstruation."

Comics

The Bloodening

Running of the bulls. Falling to the Dark Side. The Hunt for Red October. Down at Fraggle Rock. I could do this all day.

In the first panel, in shades of grey with spots of bright green, the caption reads, "I wish there was a big box store for gender expression outside the 'norm.'" Below that is a cartoon character comprised of both the symbols for male and female with a speaker for a mouth that says, "Welcome to Gender-Mart. Gender is construct, let's get building!" A stack of bright green Gender-Mat shopping baskets sits at its feet.

Comics

Choose Your Own Adventure

I frequently wish there was a place where I could exchange my uterus for something useful – like a toaster oven.

The first panel, in shades of grey, shows the interior of a temple, with a golden book sitting on a plinth in a beam of light. A shadow is silhouetted in the doorway beyond. The caption reads, "After decades of searching..."

Comics

Legend of the Hidden Handbook

I can’t be the only person who wishes there was a manual of extremely detailed instructions on how to navigate every single social interaction with ease no matter the cultural, religious, or gender divides.

The first panel, in shades of grey and purple, shows the artist, a young woman with short hair wearing a purple t-shirt, holding a card and a stamp in her left hand. She says, "Let's see - I taught myself to crochet last week, so...I think...yes-"

Comics

Consolation Prize

In Shakespeare’s time, leading apes into hell was the fate that awaited old maids.

The first panel shows a rack of assorted clothing. They've been colored with the shades of various pride flags. The caption says, "For me, labels are like clothing."

Comics

Outfit Yourself

This is essentially a long way of saying I think labels are best if you choose them yourself.

Cartoon panels in shades of grey and purple. The first is a rectangular panel zoomed in on a hand holding a miniature of a D&D character over a hexagonal map. A purple D20 has rolled a nat 20. Over the top, the narration reads, 'A couple of years ago, I started playing Dungeons & Dragons as a half-elf bard. And I committed to the part.' Beneath that panel are three panels showing that half-elf bard. In the first she plays a lute under the caption 'The Performance,' and says, "Let me sing you the song of my people." In the second panel, under the caption 'The Spells,' she says, "I cast - Vicious Mockery!" In the third panel, under the caption 'The Seduction,' the blonde half-elf leans on her long bow and winks at the reader.

Comics

Bardic Inspiration

Evidence suggests that if I experienced sexual attraction, the world would be in serious trouble.

A multi-panel comic in a single issue, colored in shades of grey with accents of purple. The first panel has a long rectangular frame and shows the artist - a young woman with short hair wearing a purple t-shirt - standing between the silhouettes of two couples, shrugging her shoulders. The narration says, "Most days I don't mind being alone. Though it can get lonely." In the second panel, three versions of the artist are shown from the torso up, with small meters near their heads like in a video game. Instead of measuring health, the bars have a heart at the top. The narration continues, "But every so often I'm struck by this lust...for romance." The first version of the artist is just smiling politely, and the meter is half-full. The second version also has a half-full meter, but she suddenly looks suspicious. The third version is struck by a lightning bolt, causing her hair to stand on end, the meter to max out, and purple hearts to replace her eyes.

Comics

Craving

Is this what it feels like to be horny?